| hey wassupi pplz? its graice writin this time! sry u dont get ta read britt's new-fashioned typin! but hey i could care less whether u want her typin or me. im writin cuz i been yelled at one too many times for not writin more on here... so here goes. a/w hey i was lookin at the cd list here n i found this one by stacie orrico. its called 'genuine.' (yea, yea, i know u can read but still....) i just thought bout all the ppl who put on different faces when they're w/ different ppl. i believe we are to be who we are, not what we wanna be or what someone else wants us to be, but who we really n truly are when no one's lookin. i know for me i used ta always put on the face of a happy-go-lucky person when i was lil. when i was young something terrible happened to me that should NEVER, EVER happen to any child. many ppl dont realize how many kids are molested each and every day. i dont exactly know the statistics, but i dont care bout those i just know that no kid or human should go thru those kinds of things. after that i became very resentful toward guys in general. i never realized it tho', i thought i had forgiven this person but inside i never admitted it to myself but i knew i hadnt. i never told anyone what happened except one of my older sisters. after awhile i forgot bout the whole thing-still not really liking guys(but by then i had forgotten why)-then when i turned 12, as a "present" (not really)-my sister whom i had told-brought it ALL back up. my feelings soared above any human help. i pretended to listen to the adults who tried givin me advice, but none of it helped. i tried to take it but at that point in time i had already been hurt n abused, molested, n become callous to everyone. i tried to love the person who had hurt me but the forgiveness never came. i found myself havin nightmares n hallucinations (however u spell that). i wasnt sure why i was havin such bad nightmares, but they were all bout the "incident" (or w/e u wanna call it). by the time i was 14, i hated all guys, i hated hugs, n everything. thru'out this whole time of hatred n everything, i let my parents believe that i was fine, enjoyin life, n didnt hate anyone. well finally my parents got jobs at a skool. so i went to it. there, i finally broke down n decided that i couldnt keep this in anymore, especially not w/ the friends i had begun to hang out w/. while w/ them i talked bout anything n everything. well not bout everything, i just told them how i felt bout my parents, friends, n family. they were my only "true" friends. (n tho' a lot of them truly were Christians, they didnt act like it) i started becoming what i didnt EVER want to become-a rebelious teen. cuz i wanted ta prove adults wrong-not ALL teens were rebels. i had seen the path one of my sisters had taken n i didnt want that. i became so depressed that i couldnt even "put on a mask" anymore, except the anger one. i yelled at everyone, except my "friends." i became violent n didnt even realize it. i didnt want to be violent cuz i had seen the effects that it could have on the victims (cuz i had been one of those helpless victims). i didnt really hate everyone, i didnt even hate guys anymore, i just wanted to be listened to n actually heard. u know how it seems that adults listen but dont actually understand or hear the pain n suffering in ur voice. those are the reasons i became so resentful of ppl, they didnt listen n they took advantage of weaker beings. n b/c of being molested as a child i felt a bitterness against guys/men b/c i knew if i was ever near another one he would do the same thing.
well, i have ta say, although, my life was bad, it couldve been A LOT worse. i know of girls who are abused every single day of their lives. they hate the nights b/c they know whats waiting for them. a lot of them are called prostitutes. many prostitutes dont like what they've done or what they've been forced to do.... yes, some are FORCED to be on the streets every night. n then when they're so drained they're thrown onto the streets n (most of the time) continue abusin they're bodies just ta get a place ta stay the night. we, as Christians, should not be soo judgmental of them just b/c they're sellin they're bodies. many of them may act like they enjoy it but a lot of times they really are in pain inside. now i know around here in lancaster there probly not a lot of prostitutes but u cant tell me there arent any.
well, all of that said just ta let u know that i stopped havin nightmares of abuse n stuff after i trusted in Jesus Christ as my Lord n Savior. i luv Him ta death! which means, if i have to die for givin the Good News to some Muslims in Afghanistan or wherever God puts me, then so be it!! being martyred is the best death any Christian could have. well, also, all that ta say that when i became a Christian everyone noticed, even parents who didnt really know me, knew i was different. wow!!!!! i got saved on July 13, 2003! yea, i know that was only a year n a half ago but ive changed sooo much. that was a sunday n when i went ta Y.G. i knew sumthing was different cuz i actually wanted ta be there. the only reason i was goin before was not only cuz my parents made me, but cuz my best friend went there. i felt different but i didnt think that anyone would notice or that they would even care. but at that point i didnt care if they cared or noticed i just knew i was happy. i couldnt even remember the last time i had smiled a true smile. oh, dont get me wrong i smiled a lot durin my depression, but i only did that ta hide my true feelings. this time i actually was happy. this wasnt a mask anymore. it was me!!! it was the NEW Lydia Grace Myers!!! n i thank God He turned my life around that day!! wow, i know that if it hadnt been for my sister, Esther, i would still be depressed now!! wow, guys, never think that sittin down n talkin/cryin/whatever u do, wont do anything, cuz if Esther hadnt taken the time n trouble, cuz at that point i was a hard character ta talk to, id be in "way-over-my-head." dont get me wrong, at times, Satan has attacked me w/ the thought of depression, n yes, sometimes i wanna be depressed again, but only cuz i want/crave attention. thanx be to God that He's by my side every step i take cuz w/o Him i would die.
if i die tomorrow, dont mourn over me (not that u guys would anyway...hehe!) be happy for me cuz ill be in heaven sayin, "haha, i beat u!!!!" if u should mourn for anybody, mourn  for the ppl who've died n gone ta hell cuz they didnt believe in God's Gift, Jesus Christ!!!
guys, i gotta tell ya.... i have NO clue whatsoever why i just told u my whole life story. actually there's a lot more bout my life many dont know bout n really dont wanna know just cuz im talkin bout me. wow! i dont think ive ever written that much on my life. oh, crap its soo early that i might just stay up ALL night.... oh wait, no i wont cuz i have a sleepover party to go to tomorrow n knowin girls we'll be up almost all nite if not ALL nite. ill probly go to sleep cuz i have work the next day.
w/ much luv, care, n many prayers, *~*graice da ace*~*
ps. i hope at least the part(s) that u read-if any-encouraged u to get deeper into the Word n realize that God is the only way outta ur dark or rough spots. He's the only One who understands what ur goin thru completely n will never let u down. ur friends may try ta understand ur problem, but we can only help to a point. n i hate ta say it, but its true, i wish it werent, but it is... friends will, at some point-if they havent already-will let u down. when u think u need them the most they'll probly be gone or off doin sumthing else or maybe even too busy ta talk... just know that GOD is always there for us. if u are a true *born-again Christian (*not meant to just be taken as another cliche) u know or should know that God wants us ta come runnin ta Him before we go lookin for answers or w/e any where else. one lady said that whenever she needs ta talk ta someone she runs to her Daddy n just sits on His lap until the storms over. i wanna be able ta get to that point in my relationship w/ God. i say it a lot n i mean to do it, but somehow i dont n then i feel like a hypocrite. (i wanna say sry to those ive said that to when i havent done it or been doing it.)well thanx for listenin. im sry if i rambled on n on but i felt that God put it on my heart... actually i didnt intend ta write this much but God just kept tellin me ta keep goin. PLEAZ dont treat the abuse part in my testimony lightly. thats a very hard thing ta tell anyone, let alone put it out for anyone ta read. i had even a hard time tellin my BESTEST FRIEND this! well its now really, really early in the mornin so i think im gonna go ta bed now!!! im just startin ta yawn n get tired... wow, thats surprisin!!!!!! well, ttyl! byerz!!! n im not sry for writin all this!!!  |
and she has NEVER shared herslf this much right off the back to anyone!! She's challenged me to be willin to share my testimony too, but right now i hafta go to work so i can't...but sometime i will. Just remember, there iz noone else like you, and there shouldn't be....God made you the way that He wants you and God NEVER makes mistakes!!!! Till next time- rock on!! And I luv ya'll!!! Comment on here will ya?!?
We decided to do this thang cuz we both gotta passion for peoples and music!! We had an idea to start a band a while ago and thiz iz our 1st step...we just spreadin da plan w/ u!!! did u know dat da sun outside iz beautiful!!!! Random thought...get used to it!!!